May 24, 2012
The Hunger Games
An funny email exchange between the (very tired) intern class of 2011-2012 (names have been anonymized):
A very serious matter has come to my attention. On Sunday night I left
an unopened milky way bar on my nightstand in the girls' call room.
Today, I arrived to find it half eaten and still in the wrapper! Why I
ask you? Who stole it? Who enjoyed the delicious taste of the caramel
and milk chocolate?!
I must admit though I am secretly pleased because I would have eaten
it. And I need to lose like 20 lbs before I wear a bikini on vacation in the
"It wasn't me. But I did think about it."
-Intern #2 (me)
It wasn't me, but by the time I got to my naps shift it was already open and half eaten and I was tempted to finish it off.
"To add to the intrigue,
Two chocolate bars went missing from my personal clear plastic drawer several months ago. Far be it from me to suspect a fellow intern so I ran through other likely suspects. Dr. Attending? She works like a machine and never seems to tire. It has to take tremendous energy input to keep her going. What if an idle unguarded candy bar was simply too much temptation? But no, she would have already bought dinner for us. Dr. Doctor? I pictured him peeking carefully around the doorway, left and right, before emerging and running hastily down the hall, chocolate in hand, white coat tails trailing in the breeze, to devour my treasures out of sight. But no, he doesn't move fast enough. He would have been spotted. What about one of the pregnant upper level residents? The curse of the cravings of pregnancy respect no boundaries. Even the level-headed Resident1 or even-handed Resident2 may have succumbed. But no. Even at the height of their pangs of hunger, I could not imagine them betraying one of their own fellow residents.
In the end, after observing the subtle body language of various employees of the hospital I have come to the firm conclusion that it could have been none other than Dr. ProgramDirector himself. He has the perfect alibi. Who would ever suspect him? Who else would be cunning enough, and daring enough, not only to take my candy bars leaving no trace, but to eat HALF a candy bar, leaving the remaining evidence of his misdeed in broad daylight, sure that no one would suspect him. I submit it could be no one else.
For the time being we must keep this to ourselves."
"There was candy? Where?"
"Not anymore. Dr ProgramDirector ate it."
"F**** *&^*(*& a*$$*(*"
-interns 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8